Thursday, May 7, 2009

The blog chronicles

Guess what, you guys?!

I'm not anonymous anymore.

Well, to you I am. What I'm trying to say is that this little piece of Internet where I vent/bitch/moan/ is not a secret anymore.

Remember my last post where I told you I had the nerdiest conversation about blogging with GayBff? Well, apparently it was passionate enough for him to want to start blogging and also for him to ask me if he could read my blog. Now, I was a bit taken aback because up until that point NO ONE knew I had one. I hadn't told a single person. Not my mom, my BFF, my ex boyfriends, no one. GayBff just straight up said "Can I read your blog?" and I didn't really know what to say.

The thing with me is that I'm a very private person. I guess this sounds weird coming from the girl who tells strangers on the Internet all about her "sexcapades", terrible dating stories, past experiences with bulimia and being molested and crazy drunk shaenanigans but it's true. If you know me in real life, you know I'm more of an observer. A listener, if you will. I stay on the sidelines, taking everything in and making comments here and there, but I mostly listen to what other people have to say. Not because I'm a gossip (which I totally am, BTW) but because I feel like other people's stories are ALWAYS better than mine. Of course, like everyone, I needed some sort of venting system, and that's why I started blogging.

Actually, when I was around 12 I used to write my experiences on Word documents which I would delete after a month. Then, when I was around 15, I started an online diary on diaryland.com which was basically blogging (back when it wasn't even called that), and by the time I was 17 I moved on to www.xanga.com and started the emo-est blog ever created. I was going through a very rough break up AND my parents' bitter divorce at the time and I would literally just sit in front of my computer every single day after school and type for hours while listening to My Chemical Romance and crying my eyes out. Good times. I had that xanga for about 2 years and then one day, I stopped. I felt better and less depressed and, on a whim, I deleted it. Never to be found again. Sometimes I wish I could find it and read it again to revisit my "youth" but other times I feel like the person who used to write that blog and the person who writes this one are so different, I wouldn't even recognize her at all.

So, anyway. When GayBff told me he wanted to read my blog I was a bit hesitant because of course I had blogged about him and he would read it and I would be so embarassed. Or what if he thought my blog was terribly boring and stupid? Or what if he thought I was the biggest slut in the world? Or, the worst writer? OMG what if he thought I wasn't as cool as he thought? Maybe he'd find out I'm just a nerd who reads for fun and and goes through life quoting movies. Gah! Seriously, all these questions were running through my head in 2.5 seconds until I decided that, yes I would let him read it.

So he did. And he walked in the office the next day and the first thing he says (loud enough for all of Florida to hear) "OMG! Can I tell you I LOVE YOUR BLOG!! It's so funny! I love it! I literally sat there and read it for hours and laughed out loud and OMG I LOVE IT!" and then he kept going on and on about h0w much he loves his nickname and the fact that I don't use my real name and blah, blah. At this point, all I could do was give him one of my trademark shut-the-fuck-up looks because all of our coworkers were listening to this whole exchange. Well, so much for him hating my blog huh? The only thing that I don't know how to feel about is the fact that more people I know want to read it and I'm not so sure I want them to.

What do you guys think? Should I just bite the bullet and let them? Or hold on to as much anonymity as I can?

31 comments:

Andy said...

You know, today one of my friends (who isn't supposed to know about my blog) told me "X person. Is that a friend from the blogging world?"

I turned livid and avoided the topic.

JerseySjov said...

my bffffs know my blog bc it's easier than trying to keep them updated on my shenanigans with other means, but people who im not sure of don't get the privilege.

sleepyjane said...

Mt bf knows about it and never reads it. And another guys friend knows about my blog but thankfully never talks to me about it.

I'd feel SOOOOOO uncomfortable having my family read it. I'd rather die!!

sequined said...

I have three friends who read my blog--one who helped me decide to start it, and two who found it because I was silly and checked it on their computers--plus my sister found it because she always uses my laptop. Otherwise, I don't want most of my friends to know (and I occasionally even feel bad when these friends know) because I think it changes my perceived audience and reduces my candor. But it depends on the friend/blog, I think.

Therapeutic Ramblings said...

A few of my friends read my blog, though they started so early on (and they are fellow bloggers) I feel it is less of a problem. In general my friends don't read my blog, and that is the way I'd like to keep it, but if they did start reading....not a big deal

Maxie said...

I told my best friend about my blog, but that's it. If you tell everyone in your life you'll probably regret it...having to sensor for other people SUCKS.

MC said...

Meh, I'm public about my blog but that's different because it's less of a journal and the topic is more general (food and shopping)

But, even when it was a journal, I think most people know about it. I just go with the philosophy that if people dislike what I have to say then I guess we'll never hang out. I think that's a mutually ok thing.

But that was back in livejournal days. I'm not sure if I could start a personal blog now and NOT have it be public. I have to be brutally honest if it was a personal blog or else it wouldn't be worth writing about.

Kali said...

Be careful/selective about who you tell, or you'll find yourself watching your words.

And that would SUCK!! Glad you're back!

x

SassyGirl said...

Everyone has different experiences letting Real Life people in on their previously anonymous blogs. I tried it a couple times (usually only when forced) and it never worked out because I was too used to blogging for strangers. I just got too self-conscious about the stories I was telling once I knew that people who knew me were reading them - for that matter, people who didn't know me well enough for me to share that story with them in person.
And the thing is, once you let them know your blog address, you can't really take it back. That's how I ended up switching blogging locations three times in two years. Not fun.

Nat said...

I would try to stick with the anonymity as much as you can. I miss that I don't have that as much anymore as most people i know, know i have a blog.

Therapeutic Ramblings said...

So uhm....where'd ya go?!

Marquis said...

happens to the best of us. it necessitated my starting a new blog after 2 1/2 years with the old one. once you know your friends read it...your content will inevitably change...perhaps be more prone to self-censorship...ie: why i had to start a new one.

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

Dear Liam said...

be careful, use common sense.

Teresa said...

I only have one friend who knows about my blog because she convinced me to start one. I think once all my friends start reading it i won't be able to be as honest because i want to be able to log onto my blog and bitch about whoever is annoying me and i don't want to hear how i hurt some ones feelings because of it.

Shayna said...

No one knows about my blog ;-)

It's easier to express an honest opinion uninhibited by concerns about the opinions of others :-)

Sadako said...

Mine's anonymous except for close friends and family. Agree with what Shayna just said.

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