Guess what, you guys?!
I'm not anonymous anymore.
Well, to you I am. What I'm trying to say is that this little piece of Internet where I vent/bitch/moan/ is not a secret anymore.
Remember my last post where I told you I had the nerdiest conversation about blogging with GayBff? Well, apparently it was passionate enough for him to want to start blogging and also for him to ask me if he could read my blog. Now, I was a bit taken aback because up until that point NO ONE knew I had one. I hadn't told a single person. Not my mom, my BFF, my ex boyfriends, no one. GayBff just straight up said "Can I read your blog?" and I didn't really know what to say.
The thing with me is that I'm a very private person. I guess this sounds weird coming from the girl who tells strangers on the Internet all about her "sexcapades", terrible dating stories, past experiences with bulimia and being molested and crazy drunk shaenanigans but it's true. If you know me in real life, you know I'm more of an observer. A listener, if you will. I stay on the sidelines, taking everything in and making comments here and there, but I mostly listen to what other people have to say. Not because I'm a gossip (which I totally am, BTW) but because I feel like other people's stories are ALWAYS better than mine. Of course, like everyone, I needed some sort of venting system, and that's why I started blogging.
Actually, when I was around 12 I used to write my experiences on Word documents which I would delete after a month. Then, when I was around 15, I started an online diary on diaryland.com which was basically blogging (back when it wasn't even called that), and by the time I was 17 I moved on to www.xanga.com and started the emo-est blog ever created. I was going through a very rough break up AND my parents' bitter divorce at the time and I would literally just sit in front of my computer every single day after school and type for hours while listening to My Chemical Romance and crying my eyes out. Good times. I had that xanga for about 2 years and then one day, I stopped. I felt better and less depressed and, on a whim, I deleted it. Never to be found again. Sometimes I wish I could find it and read it again to revisit my "youth" but other times I feel like the person who used to write that blog and the person who writes this one are so different, I wouldn't even recognize her at all.
So, anyway. When GayBff told me he wanted to read my blog I was a bit hesitant because of course I had blogged about him and he would read it and I would be so embarassed. Or what if he thought my blog was terribly boring and stupid? Or what if he thought I was the biggest slut in the world? Or, the worst writer? OMG what if he thought I wasn't as cool as he thought? Maybe he'd find out I'm just a nerd who reads for fun and and goes through life quoting movies. Gah! Seriously, all these questions were running through my head in 2.5 seconds until I decided that, yes I would let him read it.
So he did. And he walked in the office the next day and the first thing he says (loud enough for all of Florida to hear) "OMG! Can I tell you I LOVE YOUR BLOG!! It's so funny! I love it! I literally sat there and read it for hours and laughed out loud and OMG I LOVE IT!" and then he kept going on and on about h0w much he loves his nickname and the fact that I don't use my real name and blah, blah. At this point, all I could do was give him one of my trademark shut-the-fuck-up looks because all of our coworkers were listening to this whole exchange. Well, so much for him hating my blog huh? The only thing that I don't know how to feel about is the fact that more people I know want to read it and I'm not so sure I want them to.
What do you guys think? Should I just bite the bullet and let them? Or hold on to as much anonymity as I can?