Sunday, March 29, 2009

Forever 21.


My 21st birthday was, by far, my favorite birthday ever. Not only was it a 3-day affair, but I really, truly felt loved and appreciated. Because a 3 day recap would be way too long, I've decided to let you know the highlights, bullet point style:


Wednesday, March 11th


  • My mom woke me up with hugs, kisses, presents and cards. Is there a better way to wake up? I don't think so.

  • Had my GayBFF and OtherGay bake me not one, but TWO cakes. They were awesome enough to decorate one of them in purple and green (my favorite color combination) and the other one in some sort of Disney princess theme. It was all pink with sprinkles and glitter and stars and LORD knows what else.

  • GayBFF took it upon himself to make my day memorable and came in to work with a huge
    "Friends Forever" singing balloon "(seriously, every time you tap it, it sings a song about friends and how they make your day last long) and a smaller balloon with the number 21 on it.

  • I bawled my eyes out at work because my Daddy called me. I really thought he wasn't gonna call so when he did, I lost it. Daddy issues? Me? Never!

  • Had a delicious sushi/Japanese buffet dinner with the fam.

  • My ex boyfriend came over to visit (I did NOT let him in the house, mind you) and gave me the weirdest present I've ever received: Two joints. WTF?! Did he seriously think I was gonna smoke them? Does he not know me at all? I promptly stashed them in an Altoids tin in my purse and gave them to my co-worker the next day.

Friday, March 13th



  • My co-workers (as you know, they're not only my co-workers but my really good friends now) planned a whole night of festivities. Right in front of me. I did not notice.

  • Festivities included: Dinner at an upscale restaurant, followed by a very sketch Spanish club (my favorite type of club because you go there to REALLY dance), followed by a night of drinking and debauchery at OtherGay's apartment. Since he's the only one who lives on his own and we had nowhere else to drink and be merry, he offered his abode. Because my girl A knew I was gonna be drunk as fuck and unable to drive, she told me I would sleep over at her house.

  • After work, my girl K and I went to the liquor store and bought enough alcohol for a small country, even though our group was gonna be small. I thought it was kind of strange when she wanted to buy a gallon of water but when I asked her why, she said "We're going to OtherGay's apartment. Does he ever offer you anything when we're there?" Answer: No.

  • When we got to the restaurant, after being told by GayBF "Honey, your shoe game is ON POINT" (because really, out of all my friends, I wear the fiercest shoes) they decide to let me know that we weren't, in fact, going to OtherGay's apartment after the club. We were going to a hotel room they had rented, while at the office, right under my nose, without me noticing. They had also talked to my mom, told her the plans and asked her to pack a small bag for me. Mind you, all of this was done WHILE WE WERE ALL AT WORK. Apparently, when my girl K told me the room she was trying to rent for her and her fuck buddy, she was lying. When my girl A told me "I was just on the phone with your mom. She said she was working the corner and had a john waiting for her, but could spare a moment to talk" she was also lying.

  • After dinner, we headed to the hotel where we checked in and pregamed with shots of tequila, beers, and this. We got to the club at 1:30am and I was... howyousay? Shitfaced. Three sheets to the wind. I thought I was dancing with some guy, but really, I was just trying my hardest not to fall flat on my ass. That same guy asked me if I wanted to go on a boat ride the next moring to which I promptly said yes and gave him a fake number. Even when obliterated, I have my standards.

  • We left the club at about 3am (clubs close at around 5-6am in Miami) and stayed in the parking lot for about an hour because we were all too drunk to function. Especially GayBF, who was our DD because he's the only one who knows how to drive a stick shift. I know, we're idiots. After he bitched and moaned for a littler and threw up, he felt better and drove us back to the hotel.

  • At the hotel, we drank our body weight in tequila and vodka and played "Never have I ever". Who knew we were all such whores? We were seriously drinking to the most ridiculous phrases... "Never have i ever... fucked someone in public". Someone would drink to that. "Never have I ever... fucked a married guy" I would drink to that. On and on until I was so drunk I kept falling off the bed, my girl A was so drunk she kept trying to get GayBF to make out with her (he wouldn't), my girl K was so drunk she kept flashing us and GayBf was so drunk he kept cuddling me and saying "Douchegirl, I LOVE YOU!!! I'm so glad you responded to that Craigslist ad."

  • At some point, I got confused with my languages and started speaking Spanish to my friends. A kept looking at me weird, and I couldn't figure out why. K kept saying "OMG! I understand everything you're saying!" and GayBF said "Please don't stop speaking Spanish to me! It's so sexy! Better than sex!".

  • Because I'm a feisty drunk, I started yelling at K's fuck buddy who had joined us when we got back from the club. In my best Spanish girl accent, I kept yelling his name over and over and screamed "DO YOU LOVE HER?!! DO YOU LOVE K?! IF YOU DON'T LOVE HER WHY ARE YOU FUCKING HER, YOU ASSHOLE! DON'T FUCK HER IF YOU DON'T LOVE HER! LEAVE HER ALONE." I even went over to his bed (in which he was trying his hardest to ignore my drunk verbal abuse enough to be able to sleep) and got all up in his grill yelling at him some more. At least K can't say I don't look after her.
  • My feisty drunk self also kept GayBFF from falling asleep by saying "I love you! And don't say I love you too, that doesn't cut it! Say it like you mean it! Say I love you!". Poor thing couldn't sleep until he finally said "Yes, DG I love you now shut the fuck up and let me sleep."
  • At around 6am, when we were getting ready to pass out, I don't know what happened but A and I started making out. And it wasn't tame. According to GayBF "You guys were making out hardcore! Like, pulling each other's hair and stuff. Like you've been lesbian lovers for a long time." I honestly do not remember most of that, but from what I do, it was DAMN hot.

In tomorrow's episode: Parents using us as examples of how not to act in public, the tale of the raging hangover, adventures in babysitting after only 2 hours of sleep and...

MORE DRINKING!

Cheers, (Legal ones. Finally!)

Douchegirl.

11 comments:

JerseySjov said...

happy birthday dg!!
cant wait to read more :)

Therapeutic Ramblings said...

Fiercest Shoes.....LOL!

Happy belated b-day; it sounds like you had a blast!

The Alleged Ringleader said...

That sounds FABULOUS!!! Yayyyyy for finally turning 21 and being able to do EVERYTHING legal ;)

Andy said...

Happy birthday!!

I also mess up my languages when I'm drunk. I stop talking Spanish, and then I start talking Sailor Spanish (with as many curse words as possible. Also, I usually start talking English and French. Good thing, the people I usually drink with are my classmates so they also speak English and French.

sleepyjane said...

haha!! This all sounds so fun and hilarious! Wish I could have been a fly on the wall. :)

Maxie said...

how come MY gay bff never says anything cool like my shoe game is on point. He doesn't even say fierce!

Kali said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

A few things:

1. I didn't know singing balloons existed. It is now my MISSION to find one of these.

2. I want to see a photo of these fierce shoes.

3. YOU'RE GROWING UP SO FAST! *sniff*

Love to you awesome girl!

xxx

Mista Jaycee said...

Happy Birthday!

MsPuddin said...

Nice.Happy Birthday day chick!! I remember my 21st I partied for three months straight LOL keep the three days going I say :)

The Charming Hedonist said...

Happy belated! Glad you had a blast!

The Charming Hedonist said...

You know, drunken blogging is always entertaining... Just sayin'.